D3 body, D1 cock
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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