i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
