nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
