i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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