so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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