Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
