the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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