So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
