This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize