I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
