Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
