Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
