What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
