I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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