I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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