Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
