Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
