I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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