So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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