I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
