i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
