i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
