I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
