puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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