Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
