Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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