I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
