Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
