I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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