I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
