i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
