there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
