cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
