If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
