Dual....:-)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize