my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
