I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
