your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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