I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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