I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
