i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
