Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
