if i can run in heels then i can drive
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
