thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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