I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
