I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
