shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
