I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
