I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You're like the curious george of whores
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
