My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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