I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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