stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
