I wanna bring you to show and tell
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You did what with his pubic hair?
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