Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
