end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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