I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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