update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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