I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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