he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
