I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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