3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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