I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
