I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
