I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
