Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize