Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
