"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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