Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
