Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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