She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
