and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
