I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
