Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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