Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I skipped work to stalk him.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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