Plan B is the new Plan A
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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