i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
