well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
