insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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