i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
