You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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