if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
