Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I smell like Dick and happiness
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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