New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
