I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
