is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
