You just made me feel so damn special
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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