soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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