Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
