I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
