I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
