I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
