I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
