My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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